抵达式亲密何以缺失 ——青年伴侣需求错位的互动机制与修复

中文摘要

青年婚恋研究已充分揭示经济压力、个体化、性别分工与媒介环境的影响，但仍有一个微观问题值得追问：为什么一些伴侣主观上都有付出意愿，付出却没有转化为被理解和被关爱的体验？文章在社会交换理论与亲密互动过程模型基础上提出“抵达式亲密”，将有效亲密界定为需求线索被识别、回应与当下需要相匹配且回应被对方感知的连续过程。原生互动经验会形成“默认回应脚本”；当脚本窄化、需求表达含混、归因转向审判且冲突缺少修复时，善意可能在传递中错位。结构压力还会压缩需求识别和修复所需的时间与心理资源。文章据此提出需求翻译、感知核验与冲突复盘三类修复环节，并给出可供配对调查与纵向研究检验的机制命题。

Abstract

Existing studies of young people’s romantic relationships have illuminated the influence of economic pressure, individualization, gendered divisions of care, and media environments, yet a micro-level puzzle remains: why do some partners who both intend to give still fail to convert their giving into experiences of being understood and cared for? Building on social exchange theory and the interpersonal process model of intimacy, this article develops the concept of “arrived intimacy,” defining effective intimacy as a sequential process in which need cues are recognized, responded to in a manner matched to the need at hand, and the response is perceived as such by the recipient. Original interaction experiences sediment into “default response scripts”; when scripts narrow, need expressions remain ambiguous, attribution turns into judgment, and conflict goes unrepaired, good intentions may go astray in transmission. Structural pressures further compress the time and psychological resources required for need recognition and repair. The article accordingly proposes three repair processes—need translation, perception checking, and conflict review—and formulates mechanism propositions that can be tested in dyadic surveys and longitudinal research.

关键词：抵达式亲密；青年婚恋；需求错位；伴侣回应；冲突修复

Keywords: arrived intimacy; youth romantic relationships; need–response mismatch; partner responsiveness; conflict repair